Just had my consult with Adam.

He asked me - what my story is.

Intimacy, vulnerability and judgment

intimacy, when forced, is alienating.

how about some free association....

fear,

i felt really dismissed by Adam - the reason i don't articulate myself well in class is my fear of their judgement - my fear of opening up to them. i don't wanna share anymore personal stuff about You to them. They judge me for being either bigoted, or deluded for knowing you.


The unbearable vulnerability of being.
the vulnerability and hence fear of being known
and then the joy of being known.

To be held, and to behold.

capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

letting someone see you when you're ugly.


A second form of intimacy is experiential intimacy or intimacy activity. Examples of this would be where people get together to actively involve themselves with each other, probably saying very little to each other, not sharing any thoughts or many feelings, but being involved in mutual activities with one another. Imagine observing two house painters whose brushstrokes seemed to be playing out a duet on the side of the house. They may be shocked to think that they were engaged in an intimate activity with each other, however from an experiential point of view, they would be very intimately involved.

making paper aeroplanes together.

Barriers to Developing and Maintaining Intimate Relationships

• Game Playing – people who act in stereotypical roles or try to play certain kinds of games, even if they’re intimate-appearing games (such as romantic games) cannot develop an intimate relationship with someone else simply because they are not being themselves. Game playing can be a detriment to the development of intimacy and can develop only when two people are being himself or herself in a significant way with another person.

How to Develop Intimate Relationships

• Awareness – be aware of yourself and start where you are and not try to start some other place. - presence?

intimacy. vulnerability. authenticity. fear of judgment. of someone misunderstanding you. of mistaking you or treating you for less than who you are.

letting them know me?

- pictures of me growing up? childhood? - don't hide anything though...

or maybe just explore childhood in general?

stars.

childhood. vulnerability. paper aeroplanes.

and the clown.. the little prince.

this fear of judgement...

the clown has no fear though - the clown is the kid inside me.

the child... the little prince.

http://www.gregoryspaperairplane.com/The_Book.html

maybe can get everyone to write a dream they have always had on a piece of paper.  and then make paper aeroplanes with me. one on one?

or helium balloons?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DWB_ibSNg8

----> intimate encounter - cannot continue to fight.